Hellidays II

We’ve heard it before that people in recovery have it especially hard during the holidays.  Everything from bad memories associated with drinking/using, to seeing loved ones out of control, to having to resist those urges to partake in a little holiday cheer like the rest of society.  The holidays are the ultimate test of the addict/alcoholic’s commitment to sobriety.

I personally don’t like the holidays much.  I’m not a very christmasy person, not being traditional makes me feel bad, not giving in to the mass-consumerism makes me feel guilty and not being with all of my family makes me feel sad. Although I’ve learned to recognize these feelings, they still get to me every year. Thank goodness it’s almost over.

This year, I had to turn down an invitation to a New Year’s Eve dinner party because I knew there would be drugs there–my favorite drug to be exact.  Although the drugs would not necessarily be out in the open, I would know they were present and like a well-trained bloodhound, I could very easily sniff them out.

So I’m not going even though I’d really love to.  I feel cheated but it’s my own damn fault.  I created the addict in me and I have to accept that.  Shitty as it is, it’s just my reality now. Like the old saying goes…if you don’t want a haircut, don’t hang around the barber shop. As cliche as it is, it’s so true.  I hope all of you have a wonderful, safe, clean and sober holiday with continued happiness in sobriety for 2009!